Where is the love? Where is the love? A popular song, but a question I have been asking myself lately because I am feeling more like a business partner than a wife. Each day our conversations are about the next “business” move: the job, finances, bills to pay, business to start, home concerns, etc. All of those things have drowned out the “I love you's” And when I ask, “what you are thinking about,” I’m often hoping for a romantic or profound response, but the response is usually a “business” thought. I am left with the disappointment because for once I want to exist in his mind and be expressed through his heart. I hope that one day we can escape the days of life’s concerns and enjoy one another like we used to. The funny thing is, when we used to, our business affairs were not in good condition like they are now. But the panic and fear of things going bad again has choked out the love and affection that matters more than the things that we can’t take with us at the end of life. How much more can I express how much I need it?
In the beginnings of most relationships everything is bliss and the love is flowing freely through the hearts. Conflict is far and few between and usually does not last long because the two want to get back to the love affair. But as you settle in the relationship, there are things that you learn about each other that can establish the direction of the relationship. All marriages go through the highs and lows and can have the ability to grow stale and become stagnant in the day to day life as a couple. Those journeys are unavoidable, but the challenging part is getting past those times in order to not allow the relationship to continue to go in a decline.
Don’t get me wrong, the business side of the marriage is necessary as bills have to be paid, the finances have to be discussed and decisions must be made. However, it should not dominate over the love and intimacy of the marriage. When we are at work, it is designed for business and not personal enrichment. There are even companies that forbid personal relationships on the job because they do not want the lines to get blurred while handling business. Focusing more on the business side of the marriage will cause the couple to lose focus on what God intended for the relationship to become. Especially if the business side causes tension and constant disagreements, you will begin seeing your spouse as you would a co-worker or supervisor. On our jobs we expect to do the business of the company, get paid and go home. Our expectations are not usually to develop love relationships but to get our checks to meet our personal needs. That keeps us grounded to go to work and repeat it each day, even if it is a job that we do not like, as long as we are getting paid, we endure. Once we find something that is a better fit and increased salary, we will eventually leave it for another job or retire from working.
Therefore, it must be a difference in a marriage from a business/job:
A marriage must have more love than business because getting paid is not the foundation of our existence in a marriage as our jobs are. Love is the “salary” of a marriage that must be paid in order to endure until death.
In a marriage, when we get weary of it and desire something better, we can’t abandon it as we do employment because it no longer meets our personal needs. We must find ways to get back to the love affair and keep business at a minimum to see each other as you once were in the beginning.
Have a conversation with your spouse about getting back to the love part of your relationship. Be creative and surprise them, forget just for a moment all the things that pertain to business and chores and remember what you love about each other and how much fun you can have together.
Happy Valentine's Day!!
Next Blog: What Robs the Marriage of the Love Affair.
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