THINGS THAT COUNSELING DOESN'T ALWAYS COVER
Communication is a hot topic in relationships because it is often a common issue but can be eliminated if the proper information is given and asked. A lot of communication issues are based on how we grew up communicating and couples style of communication can often clash or be misunderstood.
Ephesians 4:29 (ESV) “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Here are a few things I wish I knew prior to marriage #communicatione
Are they(you) a good communicator?
Do they(you) like to talk? Not just casual conversations but communication that is stimulating to brain. Do they appreciate intellectual conversations or thought provoking communication? Does talking make them uncomfortable? If you are a person that likes to have meaningful communication and your mate is not a talker, then it may be an issue as your relationship grows.
Are they a peacemaker or enjoy fighting? There are some people that enjoy a good fight/argument, the lawyers of the relationship who know how to defend and prosecute...lol....they are relentless like a bulldog to always win which is all rooted in pride. If you are in a relationship with someone like this, it will drain you and create a passive behavior in the peacemaker to not find their voice in the relationship. This will lead to an unhealthy, unhappy marriage that will eventually destroy the spirit of the relationship. Colossians 3:8 (ESV) “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.”
Things that trigger arguments. Oftentimes when we are in the beginnings of our relationships, the euphoria is still filling the heart and at this stage we often are very careful about what we do and say that may trigger a conflict. What are your triggers? What are his triggers? What are the sensitive areas that will cause emotions to rise?
How to communicate with negative filters? These are filters that come from a negative past, or rejection. This is when you say one thing but your mate hears something totally different that is often interpreted in a negative way.
How much words of affection do they (you) need?
Does your mate value your opinion?
How much attention they(you) need?
Making decisions together - For some this may be a no brainer, but for the person that has lived independently for a while, this is challenging especially if you or if you are married to a person that desires to be included in everything. I definitely feel that no major decision should be done alone when married. Major decisions are the things that will affect the entire family.
Making plans - When we got married, we agreed to be one, it is included in the vows. One means I am no longer operating or thinking as an individual but as one unit with another. My plans can include him or he is in agreement with the plans. Plans should not be a great inconvenience to the family. Philippians 2:2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
Are they social or a homebody? This could affect the communication in the relationship. If one person is social and likes to go out and be around people and your mate wants to stay home and chill all the time. Particularly when there are events with couples or events with family etc., this will need to be discussed to avoid conflict in the future.
Do they know how to love beyond your faults? 1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
How much I would have to compromise? We won't always agree or like the same things but you must learn that it is not all about you. Sometimes you have to do things that will not be your first choice. Who knows, you may just discover that you really like it.
Is this person trustworthy? Will they communicate with you about the hard things? Can you trust them to not use your past against you?
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