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How to Ask Your Mother the Hard Questions That Can Bring Healing

I surprised my Mother for Mother's Day when I traveled to Florida. My mother loves when all 4 of her children are together with her. As we were hanging out, we played some trivia "Who knows Momma the best" and had some nostalgic conversations that I documented surrounding each of our births and childhood. It enlightened us with information we were unaware of and brought clarity in other ways. Asking your mother or parents questions that often bring on healing and empathy needed for a closer bond.


Have you ever asked your Mother/Parents about things that happened in your childhood?

However, having these conversations can be a powerful step towards healing and understanding. Let's explore how to approach your mother with sensitive questions and provide examples to help you navigate these challenging conversations.


  1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a quiet and comfortable setting where you can have a private conversation without distractions. Choose a time when both you and your mother are relaxed and open to discussing sensitive topics.

  2. Set the Tone: Begin the conversation by expressing your desire to understand and heal. Use a gentle and empathetic tone to convey your feelings and intentions.

  3. Be Honest and Direct: Clearly state the questions or topics you want to discuss, but avoid accusatory language. Be honest about your feelings and encourage your mother to share her perspective as well.

  4. Listen with Empathy: Give your mother the space to share her thoughts and feelings without judgment. Listen actively and empathize with her experience, even if you disagree.

  5. Seek Understanding, Not Agreement: The goal of the conversation is not necessarily to reach a resolution or agreement but to gain a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives and experiences.  

Here are some examples of Sensitive Questions and Approaches:

  1. Question: "Mom, I've noticed that our relationship has been strained lately. I want to understand your perspective better. Can we talk about what's been bothering you?"

  • Approach: Express empathy and a desire to understand, and encourage open and honest communication.

  1. Question: "Mom, I've been reflecting on my childhood, and there are some memories that have been difficult for me. Can we talk about them?"

  • Approach: Frame the question in terms of your own experience and feelings, and invite your mother to share her perspective.

  1. Question: "Mom, I've been feeling hurt by some of the things you've said or done in the past. Can we discuss these incidents and how they've affected me?"  

  • Approach: Be honest about your feelings and experiences, but avoid blaming or accusing language. Focus on seeking understanding and healing.

Having difficult conversations with your mother can be challenging, but it can also be a powerful way to heal old wounds and strengthen your relationship. By approaching these conversations with empathy, honesty, and a willingness to listen, you can create opportunities for healing and understanding that can benefit both you and your mother.

Also, these approaches can work in the reverse if you have a strained relationship with your adult children. Please let me know what you think or questions you have in the comments.


Do you struggle to communicate with your mother?

  • Yes I do

  • No, it's always easy to talk to her

  • I don't talk to my mother at all

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