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Rude Love

Love is not rude - I Corinthians 13:5 (NLT); Love does not behave unseemly (KJV)

To be rude is to be offensively impolite or ill mannered; having a startling abruptness. To insult, to embarrass, to be sarcastic and condescending to another.

God says true love should serve the opposite of this by being kind, positive, civil, caring and compassionate. It's a lifestyle of self-control in keeping the tongue and mind in check. Love has a spirit of meekness.

We live in a society where rudeness is a natural reaction. We see it being played out on reality TV, on certain media outlets and most common on social media platforms. Rudeness is even being exemplified in the highest office of nations. It's becoming such a normal occurrence that it is expected to see and hear.

The behavior of rudeness is in generations of families: if daddy was rude to the mother, the son learns to be rude to the sister; the wife is rude to the husband and the daughter learns to be rude to the siblings. Granddaddy was a mean and Grandma was sarcastic in dealing with him; Aunties are known to be aggressive and use abrupt language and Uncles showed out every time he had an audience at the family gatherings. These behaviors can be passed down and seen as normal because it was acceptable in the family. We justify it by saying "I'm just real or I'm just being honest" or "that's just the way I am, I grew up like this." However, when we accept Christ into our lives, old things (family traditions and philosophies, bad habits and bad thinking) are passed away and behold all things are made new!

  • A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back - Proverbs 29:11

  • A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger - Proverbs 15:1

  • Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves - Phillipians 2:3

  • Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses - Proverbs 10:12

I must confess in my marriage there have been a rude moment or two or three....or more. The results of that behavior only tore us further apart. It damaged the spirit, our trust and rendered self-doubt in our spirit. A lifestyle of rudeness, creates an unhealthy pattern in the home where the love of God is not exemplified. In marriage, being rude or offensive and acting unseemly are ways that can damage the spirit of love with your spouse. An old saying is "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I remember saying that as a child and it served to protect me from being affected by what someone said, but in my innocence, I failed to know exactly how rude words shaped the esteem and value of a person. Now when you hear rude words from someone of no value to you, it affects you little, but, when these words and actions come from someone that says they love you and you love them, it hits a lot different. Words do hurt, as they are equal to actions. Whether spoken in calm or rage, the use of silent treatment or an aggressive approach, or whether in private or public, I Corinthians 13 tells us that is not the language of love that God has given to the believer.

  • For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her. - Ephesians 5:25

  • So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. - Ephesians 5:33

  • Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. - 1 Peter 4:8

  • Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. - Romans 13:10

  • It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. - Proverbs 21:9

  • An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. - Proverbs 12:4

Some ways to heal and change this toxic expression of "love":

  1. Get counseling. A mediator.

  2. Recognize rude/sarcastic behaviors and pray for a better way to communicate and show love.

  3. Monitor your tone.

  4. If upset. Pause. Take a break. Wait to talk until emotions are calmer.

  5. Think of what you like about your spouse (relationship).

  6. Do to others what you want done to you.


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