The heart of her husband doeth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil - Proverbs 31:11 (KJV)
The Proverbs 31 Woman in my opinion was a woman that had to love God and walked in an intimate relationship with Him on a daily basis. This is why she appears to be this perfect, unattainable, far-fetched woman that had this easy life in marriage. But in my learning and experiences, just because a person's mistakes or imperfections are not highlighted, doesn't mean that her path to better was void of error or trial. How often do we post our stories of hardships and woes on social media outlets? Or pictures that show our blemishes, our hair undone or our lives out of order? Not often or at all because we only want to present the best of who we are as much as possible. And when we see someone post their transparencies or ratchetness, we cringe or are concerned about their image and honestly we may even judge them because God forbid if someone sees an image of us that is not deemed to be admirable. Now I'm not suggesting to not have tact and wild out on social media without cause, however, our best never comes without some level of worse.
God did not present this woman to shame us or to say there will be no struggles in obtaining the Proverbs 31 model. He presented this model to show us that it is possible when we submit our lives, emotions and will to Him. In my previous blog post "Hello Ruby" it explains what and who is virtuous and how God made us to be more precious than the highest of jewels. In verse 10, we were challenged with a question. In verse 11, it challenges us with a thought of her character from her husband's perspective. How do you look from your husband's perspective? A heavy thought depending on where you are in your relationship with him. I know what I think I am to him, but what does he feel I am to him? Does it matter what he thinks of me? Am I humble enough to receive that I may fall short in some areas of pleasing him?
Yea he loves you, but does he safely trust you?
Not trust you in terms of cheating, that's a not the trust this verse is talking about. The word safely was used to express the trust that makes him certainly secure with you. Something we women want in relationships, but men need it also. Below describes some of the ways a wife is trusted by her husband:
She greatly enrich his life. A woman that enriches will improve the quality and value of something. She's supportive of his vision and purpose. She doesn't make it about her. She plans with him and anticipate what he needs to fulfill his vision without controlling or manipulating.
With her, he has everything he needs. She has a life consecrated to God for wisdom to know what is needed for her husband. She provides unconditional love and care. She offers nurturing support and knows when to pray and the right time to speak in order for him to receive from her. She studies him and knows how to create an atmosphere that is conducive for growth and peace in the relationship. He trusts that she will make sure things are available. And she has the self-acceptance to know that God has designed her just for him.
He trust her without reserve and has no reason to regret it. Her husband is assured that she can be trusted with anything he places in her hands. She will not put them in financial ruins. She compliments his differences from her. Her character is that of a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Pet. 3:4). She's a great representative of him. She does not talk about his shortcomings with others to discredit him or make herself look righteous. He is never ashamed of who she is in his life.
She is never spiteful and treats him generously all her life long. She presents herself with tact and composure. He doesn't have to be afraid of her acting unseemly and embarrass him in public or in front of the kids. She doesn't retaliate or hold grudges. She loves in spite of what he does or does not do because she knows her works are unto the Lord (Col 3:23). She has self-control and works on her emotional health.
"Chile, I hear what you are saying but what about him?" Our character is not to be compromised due to the lack of our husband's. We are only responsible for our behavior and accountable to God for our life. The scripture never said that the Proverbs 31 Woman made all the right behavioral choices or that her husband didn't struggle with his character. Neither did it say their marriage wasn't challenged. Love and life always come with it's struggles, however, God has given us the ability to overcome them with a heart that stays submitted to Him. We can trust God with our lives and He has trusted you with the assignment of being a wife.
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