Stay in Your Body: Breaking Free from Self-Abandonment

One of the phrases I often use in counseling and at June’s Retreat is “Stay in your body.” At first, many women

tilt their heads, unsure of what it means. But as we talk, there’s always a moment of recognition, a soft exhale as they realize how often they’ve left themselves behind.

Self-abandonment is when you silence your own needs, feelings, or boundaries for the sake of others. It’s when you shrink so others can feel big. It’s when you say “yes” while your entire body is crying out “no.” It’s living outside yourself, hoping that if you just keep giving, pleasing, or enduring, then maybe you’ll finally be enough or finally be loved.

The truth is, self-abandonment disconnects us from God and who God created us to be. And it happens more often than we think.

Why We Self-Abandon

• Old Survival Patterns: Many women grew up in homes where being quiet, agreeable, or helpful was the only way to stay safe or feel loved. That pattern carries into adulthood, even into marriage.

• Fear of Rejection: Saying what you really feel might mean someone walks away. So, you abandon yourself before someone else can.

• Confusion Between Love & Sacrifice: Scripture teaches us to love sacrificially, but not to the point of erasing ourselves. God calls us to love others as we love ourselves, which means we must love ourselves, too.

• Unhealed Trauma: Trauma trains the nervous system to crave what’s familiar, even if it’s harmful. Sometimes chaos feels safer than peace because peace is unfamiliar.

  
  

What Self-Abandonment Looks Like

• Ignoring your physical exhaustion to meet everyone else’s needs

• Smiling when you really want to cry

• Keeping silent to avoid “rocking the boat”

• Dismissing your feelings as “too much” or “not important”

• Saying yes because you’re afraid to disappoint someone

  
  

How to Stay in Your Body (Practical Steps)

1. Pause and Breathe - Before saying “yes” to anything, pause and ask: What is my body saying? Is your chest tight? Is your stomach in knots? Your body will often tell the truth before your mouth does.

2. Name What You Feel - Instead of pushing feelings away, practice naming them: “I feel hurt.” “I feel tired.” “I feel overlooked.” Naming feelings doesn’t make you weak, it makes you present.

3. Set Small Boundaries - Start small: “I can’t talk right now, but I’ll call you tomorrow.” Every boundary you set is a way of choosing yourself without apology.

4. Practice Self-Compassion - When you catch yourself abandoning your needs, don’t pile on shame. Gently redirect: “It’s okay. I see you. Let’s try again.”

5. Pray Into Wholeness - Ask God to help you stay present in your body and honor it as His temple. Prayer realigns you with truth: You are not required to disappear to be loved.

   
   

The Healing Truth

“Staying in your body” is not selfish. It’s sacred. It means you are honoring the woman God created, not abandoning her. It means your “yes” comes from love, not fear. It means you can stand fully present in relationships instead of disappearing inside them.

The more you practice, the more you’ll notice when you start to slip into old patterns. And the more you notice, the quicker you can return. Staying in your body is staying with yourself. And when you stay with yourself, you are free to truly connect with God, with others, and with the life He intended for you.

Reflection Question: Where have you been abandoning yourself in small ways and how can you practice staying in your body this week?