Marriage is sacred in many religions, but what happens when that sacred bond becomes a source of harm, control, and suffering? Sadly, some women feel trapped in abusive marriages due to religious beliefs, teachings, or cultural interpretations of scripture. In some cases, biblical verses are twisted to manipulate and silence women, causing them to remain in cycles of abuse. This blog will explore how scripture can be misused to keep women in bondage and how the truth of God’s Word offers freedom, healing, and a path to break free.
The Misuse of Scripture in Abusive Marriages
However, God’s true nature is one of love, care, and protection. Here are some common scriptures that are often manipulated, the lies told using them, and the truth that counteracts those lies.
Lie #1: “Wives must submit to their husbands, even in abuse.”
Scripture Used: "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” — Ephesians 5:22 (NIV)
The Truth: This verse is one of the most misquoted and misused scriptures when it comes to women and marriage. While the Bible does call for wives to submit to their husbands, it is critical to understand the context of this verse. The next verse clarifies: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25 (NIV)
This means that submission is mutual respect, underpinned by the husband’s sacrificial love, reflecting Christ’s love for the church. Christ never abused, manipulated, or harmed those He loved. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loves—with care, sacrifice, and honor. Abuse is the opposite of sacrificial love. God does not call women to submit to violence, harm, or emotional manipulation.
Lie #2: “God hates divorce, so you must stay no matter what.”
Scripture Used: “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel… — Malachi 2:16 (NASB)
The Truth: Yes, God hates divorce, but this scripture must be read in context. God was speaking against divorce that was done treacherously by men who abandoned their wives without cause. It’s essential to understand that God also hates violence, and abuse in marriage is violence.
The Bible speaks of love, care, and nurturing relationships. Staying in a marriage where there is ongoing harm and danger is not God’s desire for anyone. Psalm 11:5 tells us, “The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion.” God does not desire for anyone to live in a situation where violence, whether physical, emotional, or verbal, is present.
Lie #3: “You must carry your cross and suffer like Jesus.”
Scripture Used: “Whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” — Luke 14:27 (NIV)
The Truth: While Jesus does call His followers to endure trials and challenges, this verse is about facing persecution for faith, not about enduring abuse in marriage. Jesus came to set the oppressed free (Luke 4:18), not to bind them in suffering under human cruelty. Abuse is not the cross God asks anyone to carry.
There is a difference between righteous suffering and unjust suffering. Enduring abuse is not a form of holiness—it’s an injustice. God calls for justice and the protection of the vulnerable. Psalm 82:4 says, “Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.” God desires that you be rescued from the hand of abuse, not stay bound in it.
Lie #4: “You must forgive and forget, and stay in the marriage.”
Scripture Used: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
The Truth: Forgiveness is a command for all believers, but forgiveness does not mean staying in an abusive situation. Forgiving someone does not mean allowing them to continue hurting you. God’s forgiveness brings freedom, but it does not require you to tolerate abuse.
In Proverbs 22:24-25, we are warned, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” God is clear about separating from harmful relationships, for your own well-being. You can forgive someone while also setting healthy boundaries, including leaving an abusive marriage.
Lie #5: “Leaving will destroy your family, and God wants families to stay together.”
Scripture Used: “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” — Mark 10:9 (ESV)
The Truth: God’s design for marriage is one of unity, love, and mutual respect. However, God also calls us to live in peace, not in harm. 1 Corinthians 7:15 says, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” This verse applies when one spouse chooses to live outside of God’s will for marriage, including living in violence and abuse.
God values the safety and emotional well-being of His children more than He values a marriage that is harmful and dangerous. A family built on love, respect, and peace is what God desires, not one built on fear and control.
Scriptures are designed to bring freedom, clarity and understanding of the ways of God. Not to be used to manipulate, coerce, control or dominate. When this happens, it is a false representation of Christ and His character. Abuse in and of itself, distorts the mind of a person to make them feel unloved, unworthy of love, rejected and abandoned. These feelings contradicts the very thing that the scriptures declares about our place with Christ and how He feels about His children.
If you would like to work with me on getting out of the cycle of false beliefs and heal from abuse, book a session with me.
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