Forgive yourself is easy enough to say, but not always easy to do, but on 6/18/2017 was my day of reckoning with this action. Keep reading...
I've heard the words "forgive yourself" throughout my life. Particularly during times when life is presenting its share of pains, whether hearing it in a sermon or reading it in a book. I've never been a grudge holder and tend to easily forgive others but when it comes to myself and the decisions that I've made that has been to my detriment, I found it hard to release myself from the wrong doing, particularly in my disobedience to God.
Honestly, I never realize that I was holding myself in contempt until it is said or read - "Forgive Yourself." Then the tears would well up in my eyes at the thoughts of what I need to forgive. I think one of the reasons that I found it hard to forgive myself was because it wouldn't change my situation or position. As what I was struggling to forgive myself for was an offense that actually changed the course of my life because I didn't listen to the voice of God. I heard Him, I responded to it, but I didn't follow through with it and I've been living through the trial of my decision. God knows what is best, but I allowed my carnal logic to override my spiritual responsibility to obey. I was more concerned about momentarily embarrassment than a lifetime of uncertainty. But God continues to get the Glory, even out of times that we are disobedient to His voice. Even in writing this, I'm recognizing more that my unhappiness had a lot to do with my not forgiving myself because I can't change the past.
There are times in my life that keeps the decision of my past fresh, which causes the wounds of my pain to sting again and I'm right back to the thoughts of regrets and silently beating myself up, asking God to forgive me as if His wrath was upon me. But He reminds me that I'm already forgiven and I'm not living out a punishment of my actions and that I need to forgive myself and release myself from the decisions that I made.
Consider the joy you've had, the strength you've gain, the people you've helped. The closer you've gotten to Christ and knowing His love for you. My prayer is for inward healing, that God will give you the grace to forgive yourself. The grace that will unleash the potential that your have locked inside of you; that you've made excuses for not doing and being all that God wants you to be. It's a journey, you may have no clue what it looks like or feels like but be determined to go on this road to being a better YOU and release the hurt and pain that tends to rise up in your life time after time. We can do nothing about our past, we can acknowledge it happened, feel the hurt and disappointment of the decision, but accept God's forgiveness as Just in our life and walk proud in who we have become along the way.
-I FORGIVE MYSELF!!!-
Forgiving yourself is a conscious action, it will not occur unless you mentally and emotionally let go of what you have been holding on and accept that it is a apart of your story and embrace the purpose of that pain by helping someone else.
What can you do to turn your pain into purpose?
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