Coercive Control: The Abuse We Don’t Always See

When people think of abuse, they often imagine bruises and broken bones. But some of the deepest wounds are invisible hidden in manipulation, isolation, and fear.

Coercive control is a form of abuse that doesn’t always leave marks on the skin, but it leaves lasting scars on the heart and mind. It’s the silent way an abuser takes away someone’s independence and convinces them that their voice doesn’t matter.

This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, it’s time to shed light on the abuse we don’t always see.

What is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior that seeks to dominate another person through fear, manipulation, and restriction of freedom. It’s about power and control, not love. Unlike physical abuse, coercion often hides in everyday situations making it harder to recognize.

Common Signs of Coercive Control

• Isolation: They cut you off from friends, family, or church community.

• Monitoring: They constantly check your phone, email, or social media.

• Financial Control: They restrict your access to money or force you to depend on them.

• Gaslighting: They deny your reality, making you question your memory, perception, or sanity.

• Threats & Intimidation: They imply harm (to you, themselves, or loved ones) if you don’t comply.

• Emotional Manipulation: They use guilt, shame, or silent treatment to control your behavior.

  
  

Why It’s So Dangerous

Coercion may look “less harmful” than physical violence, but it’s equally damaging. Survivors of coercive control often experience:

• Anxiety and depression

• Loss of self-identity

• Fear of making even small decisions

• Difficulty trusting others

• Feeling like they’ll “never be enough”

The scariest part? Many don’t even realize they’re being abused, because coercion disguises itself as “concern,” “love,” or “protection.”

Breaking Free from Coercion

If you’ve ever felt like you’re living in someone else’s shadow, or walking on eggshells to avoid conflict, know this: you are not alone, and it is not your fault.

Breaking free starts with:

1. Awareness – Recognizing coercion for what it is: abuse.

2. Support – Reaching out to trusted friends, therapists, advocates, or faith-based communities.

3. Boundaries – Reclaiming your voice and saying “no” without guilt.

4. Faith & Healing – Remembering that God has not called you to live in fear or bondage.

   
   

A Word of Hope

The Bible reminds us in 2 Timothy 1:7 — “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” Abuse takes away power, love, and peace of mind. But through awareness, support, and faith, restoration is possible.

This October, as we honor Domestic Violence Awareness Month, let’s commit to breaking the silence around coercion and reminding survivors everywhere: you are worthy of freedom, healing, and love.

✦ Want to take the next step toward your healing?

• 💜 Join me at June’s Retreat — a safe, faith-filled space to heal and reconnect. (10% off this month)

• 📖 Get your copy of When the Bleeding Stops for only $10.

  
  

Because healing is not meant to be done alone.