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3 Things That Should NEVER Destroy A Marriage

Easy fixes to never allow them to come between you and your spouse

These may seem like obvious things to know or do, however, you will be surprise of the simple things that are easy fixes that will create tension or even worse break up a marriage. In our parent's and grandparent's time, it was a culture where the men worked and the women were the "keepers of the home", in layman's terms, it means to cook, clean and take care of the children. Now that we are living in different times, the roles of husband and wife are no longer defined as such. We are living in very sensitive time period of "me too" movement, "feminism" movement and "boss lady" era. All of these terms can be interpreted in many ways. However, as a Christian woman we are to hold fast to the Truth of God's Word from the purity of His heart and not man's definition or perspective of what they were taught or saw in their family.

1. Not Cleaning Up the Home - In Titus 2:5, it speaks of wives being the keeper of the home. Which speaks of an important responsibility that we are indeed the heartbeat of our home, we set the tone and atmosphere for our husband and children to live. We implement a structure and culture in our home that will be the pattern and guide that our children will grow and carry into their adult lives. We create the atmosphere to receive guests in our homes where it is welcoming and never an inconvenience. So with that being said, "Lady, if your home is consistently dirty, it's a problem." Does that mean that you are the only one that is to clean the home, NO not at all, as those days are long behind us as most women have to work also to support the home in this economic climate. Also, if a single woman is reading this, you must work to support yourself and/or your children. All hands on deck is needed to help keep the home tidy. Yes children need to be a part of that cleaning, as small as 2 years old. At that age, they are walking and talking and have a visual and verbal comprehension of what things mean. If you are that frustrated woman that needs help to keep things clean, I encourage you to have that conversation with your husband, (don't fuss at him like one of the kids) however kindly discuss about how you desire to clean the home better however you will need his support to help you accomplish that. If he does not cooperate, you are also the authority of your children and you can have them to participate in keeping things clean by developing a schedule, nighttime routine, a command wall center (YouTube it), or a schedule of chores. Also, take time to declutter your home, by throwing old items away or donating them or selling them. Pick a weekend to change the home around, mop, get a rug doctor, paint the walls, clear out cabinets, get the grease off the counter tops, clean the oven and the refrigerator, etc. If you the Keeper of the Home, respects your space, your family will follow suit. You labor will not be in vain.

2. Not Cooking -This is also one of those easy fixes that does not have to cause conflict in the marriage, even if you do not have "Big Mama" cooking skills. Again, things are so affordable and convenient for us women than they were in our grandparent's time. I grew up in a home where my mother cooked all the time. McDonald's or eating out was a luxury, special occasion type of thing. I remember being in the kitchen with her, watching what she did because I love good food and I knew that I would need to know how to cook in order to eat that kind of food all the My Mother intentionally had me to help her, and showed me how to make things, because she was a woman that worked and I was the oldest daughter. When she was working in the evening, I needed to know how to cook so that my siblings and father would be fed. Now the good part about my parents was that my Father knew how to cook and cook good, and he often was my "food critic" that helped me improve on my cooking skills.

When I got married, I felt that I needed to cook all the time also, and although I enjoyed it, I knew in the long term, I would not be able to keep up the momentum with the dishes that I was making. My husband didn't require it, but he didn't know how to cook and eating hot dogs every day was out of the Notice I said "my husband did not require it," as that is some husbands expectation especially if they came from a home where the mother or grandmother cooked often. In the Black community it is often the expectation or stereotype of women to know how to cook and if you don't know how to cook or cook soul food, you are judged as if your cooking skills defines your success in being a good wife.

I say that it is an easy fix and should not destroy a marriage because if it is affordable, eating out or picking up something is an option. Grocery stores also have prepared meats and casseroles that you can just turn the oven on and wallah, it's done and taste good. You can subscribe to pinterest to retrieve many recipes from easy to complicated that even a child can follow. Also, ask a family member to show you how to cook a couple of good meals or ask your mother-in-law about how to cook that favorite meal your husband likes. If your husband knows how to cook, cook together or designate days that he can cook. Teach your teens to make a meal so they can help contribute. Always have quick foods on those days that are too busy to cook, such as sandwiches, microwavable meals, etc. Cooking only gets burdensome when we are unprepared.

3. Not Grooming - Now you may say, really, not grooming? Yes that is why it is on the list of the things that should not destroy the marriage. I keep referencing about how it was in our grandparent's and parent's days because they did a lot with so little. In this day in time, we are definitely, without excuse to not properly groom ourselves to keep us attractive to our spouse. Have you ever heard the term "she let herself go"? Meaning, she used to look good or be smaller in weight but now no longer does. There are several reasons why this happens, loss of esteem, taken things for granted by not self caring, depression, low energy with no drive to maintain, don't know how to improve, eating the wrong foods, illness/disease, hormonal changes, baby weight, etc. I want to encourage the woman that is having inner turmoil that is preventing you from having the outer care of yourself:

  • Seek the help by way of therapy or medical help, a good friend or family member that you can talk to, seek out literature or online resources to help motivate change.

  • Go to stores and try on clothes that you may not be able to purchase right now but want to see if that is a fashion that will complement your figure and style. If you have a stylish friend/family or coworker, ask them to help style you and get suggestions.

  • If you are unable to go to the salon on a regular, YouTube and Pinterest are your best resources for different DIY hairstyles that are easy to do. Get a clip on pony tail, buy a wig, and if you are natural, getting the right products is the secret to a juicy fro or twist out.

  • Buy new night wear, new bras, new panties. Throw out anything that has holes or stains. I understand more than you know, that it is comfortable and you get used to it being around. But if you have had it prior to marriage or since the beginning of marriage or when you had your first It's time to let it go!

  • Keep yourself fresh with oils, shea butter, perfumes, and sprays. Get some skincare, like scrubs and moisturizers to keep your skin and face looking and feeling supple. Shave accordingly.

  • Take vitamins accordingly and drink plenty of water and cranberry juice to detox the body of impurities that will cause the smells in our armpits and vagina.

  • Detox your body with teas, Epsom salts, ACV, and cleanses.

  • Go to dentist, change toothbrush and toothpaste regularly. Floss often and keep mouthwash.

  • Polish nails and feet often. Buy a scrubber for the bottom of feet in between pedicures.

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. It doesn't matter if you are skinny or have gained weight. It's all in how you see yourself and feel about yourself and then your husband will see the person that he fell in love with. "It's the small fox that destroy the vine," sometimes all it takes is for small changes to take place that will make big results in the home.

I would love to hear how this has help you and invite you to give pointers also.

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